A Very WHITE Christmas indeed.

And now we have the Senate President who played Saint Nicholas and gave a whopping P30 Million to his fellow Senators. 

If you try to read today’s newspaper,   understanding this bribery issue looming in Senate will not be that easy -- especially for the below average Filipino. It’s unethical, to say the least, but when you talk about endless provisions in the Constitution, the LAW makes it sound legitimate. If you take the side of the politicians, you’d probably be convinced well enough that it’s just part of allocating funds that were left untouched by the office of Noynoy Aquino when he vacated the 24th spot in Senate to assume the highest seat in government. BUT when you take the side of the simple masses, the word BRIBING would definitely take the place of ALLOCATING and what is considered LAWFUL is UNJUST – plain and simple.

Let me tell you a short story that touched my heart in many ways -- Last Christmas, our home help approached me and asked if she could grab a few minutes of my time. Judging from the look on her face, I knew she needed money. I was bracing myself to adjust my already depleted budget and lend her P1,000 just so I can extend much needed help. I thought to myself --“Bahala na. Pasko naman, keribels lang yan.” So the day went by and every time she passed in front of me, I would give her that signal that it’s okay for us to talk. By mid –afternoon, I was sipping coffee with my headphones blasting in my ears when out of nowhere, she tapped me on the shoulder and said “Maam Apple, pwede ko po ba kayong makausap?” I smiled and asked her what the problem was. She was teary-eyed and her voice was trembling. I knew she was trying so hard to muster up every ounce of courage to say how much money she was hoping to ask from me. I didn’t want to prolong her burden so I said “Sige na, Angie. Magkano ba yan para mahusgahan na natin yang problema na yan.” So she looked at me and said “Maam, nahihiya ako pero makikiusap po sana ako sa inyo. Pwede po ba ako makahiram sa inyo ng ONE HUNDRED pesos? Wala na talaga akong mahiraman at kailangan lang po ng anak ko.” I looked at her straight in the eyes and laughed! Naknampoodle naman, Universe! For a mere P100, she was an inch closer to bursting into tears and practically beg! I gave her more than what she asked for and then she said she’d pay me back. Tumatawa ako when I told her “Angie, huwag na. Tumigil ka na sa pag-emote. Sasabunutan kita eh. Pinatagal mo pa. Kapag ganyan, magsasabi agad. Haist!”

With that story in mind, I read every line of the news today with so much disgust in my heart. You have millions of Filipinos fighting to survive. Last Christmas alone, you have thousands of calamity victims who lost their homes and yet, we hear of politicians exchanging monetary gifts as if it came out of their own pockets. And may I say that accepting the questionable amount is just as bad as giving. Imagine -- P1.6 million if you have been good; P250 thousand if you weren’t. MOTHER OF ALL……….how in heaven’s name can you ever accept such injustice? And don’t tell me the Commission on Audit will still review how Senate handled the disbursement of funds. Sick bureaucracy will have the issue buried 100 feet below the ground before any modern Robin Hood dares to expose every damn detail to the general public.

Absolute equality is JUST an IDEA. In real life, it is never really ‘achievable’. In Philippine society, the Jaguars and Benzes will always be miles apart from the simple pedicabs and karitons…but even if such conditions prevail, these people in government - AT THE VERY LEAST- should have played their dirty cards closer to their even dirtier chests. This is like those alleged stories of the Marcos family holding lavish banquets with fountains flowing with expensive champagne while the rest of the nation struggled to keep food on the table. I’m guessing that a few months from now, the lucky recipients and their families would be posting tons of pictures on their private Facebook accounts – pictures of themselves fashionably strutting their stuff in private resorts and other expensive destinations while the poor Filipino taxpayer is perpetually neck-deep in debt.    

It’s all in a day’s work in Senate. You don’t reach that coveted spot for nothing. Clearly, these people know what they’re doing and they’re damn good at it. Clap clap clap.

P.S. When you go out and vote this coming election, be SMART. Stupidity is strictly prohibited. 

1% Inspiration, 99% Courage..

..when I was in grade 7, I was very poor in English. I remember being called by a teacher and she laughed when I said something which was grammatically incorrect. I felt the horror of humiliation and the thought of spending the rest of my miserable life in the school I never thought of as my second home...but I took that as a challenge. I told myself f*ck subject-verb agreements --I'll learn in my own way. So I started to read pocketbooks until my eyes begged for sleep. I watched English based movies and shows on TV. Imagine watching Batibot and forcing yourself to switch channels and look for Sesame Street instead. Brenda Walsh wasn't my favorite character in Beverly Hills 90210 but I remember mimicking how she spoke. Thanks to Judith McNaught, the unknown authors of Colliers and Doogie Howser, I was able embrace the habit of reading and listening. More than 20 years after, I don't get laughed at or tremble when I speak the language. Yes, I do have occasional nosebleeds when I speak but not as much as I did before. Happy enough to say that the little girl who belittled herself would, in her college days, be asked to edit articles WRITTEN by the editor-in-chief for the college paper, got nominated in the college council twice, got invited to be an English/Speech trainer for call center agents though she's still an undergraduate, write articles on the net and even be asked to compose a speech for her already brilliant lawyer sister. I'm writing this down not because I want to be pompous. I am far from being all-wise. This is because I feel humbled at what I was able to do despite my fear. It's a small feat compared to others but conquering that part of my life changed how I perceived things. 

This is for a special friend who needs a little push. I didn't get it right the first, second or third time. There were countless moments when placing a paper bag over my head was the only thing I wanted to do...but then I realized, how the hell am I supposed to breathe if I do that? And so, I had to put so much effort in order to learn new things and RELEARN things that were already taught to me when I was younger. 

The thing with GOALS, it's always a few feet ahead of us. If we want it, we have to walk a little faster..and if needed, we have to RUN. Our dreams will not stop and wait for us..it will not walk backwards just so we can catch up.

YOU, my friend, have so much to offer. Don't listen to the world's b*llsh*t. Listen to your own voice and make IT happen. Remember that there is no point in dreaming if you won't be brave enough to take the first step. Damn it, life is too short. Do your best to be the greatest you can ever be while you still can.

aww..CHOWDER!

I was driving in Manila a while ago when I saw a Honda Jazz that was swerving all over the road. The driver was obviously showing off his driving skills and his flashy car. What really caught my attention was this huge sticker on the rear windshield which says: "GOOD BOYS DON'T WEAR DARK TINT" -- referring to the tint on car windows boys install to conceal their monkey business. So I took the liberty of driving a little faster just to get a glimpse of the annoying driver. Tag me as nasty but when I saw his face, it was like seeing Cartoon Network's CHOWDER come alive! I was all smiles by the time I overtook him and only had one thing on my mind --Dude, if ever you DO have a girlfriend with that face and arrogance, you SHOULD be a good boy. ;)

Triggerhappy

I haven’t been watching local news programs lately because I feel I don’t need added stress… but as I was trying to negotiate with my stomach and make it accept oatmeal instead of my usual rice and ulam, there it was, in bold black letters on the front page of Saturday’s paper – “My ninong shot me.”

It’s that topic you don’t really want to talk about. It’s that issue you wish you never had to think of -- People killing people.

I was very young when the country was rocked with the news of a family massacred in their home in Paranaque – women gagged, raped and then brutally murdered. I remember finding it hard to sleep at night for fear that strangers with knives would come into our house and rip out the life in our small and quiet family. Many summers have passed and I was able to push aside that gruesome thought in my head but I have to admit, I don’t sleep until I am so sure all the doors are locked and it has been second nature for me to jump out of bed whenever I hear the slightest noise in the wee hours of the morning. I sincerely wish I never have to feel the same kind of fear but here I am again, bombarded with unwanted worries of whether it really is safe out there.

The world poured out their condolences when a deranged gunman decided to open fire at children in a small school in Connecticut. I even posted a status message because I was so moved by the pain the parents must have felt. Being Filipino, I was thankful we don’t really have that kind of violence in our country because, as I grew up to believe, we are a fun-loving nation. Damn it, I was dead wrong. A few days after a single bullet claimed the life of a little girl, a few more from a .45 Calibre went flying and killed several people in a small community in Cavite. You would never expect that from Filipinos. It is 2013. You won’t expect an Asiong Salonga roaming the streets with a gun in his hand and fires at will.

School for my two boys will start again on Monday. I feel happy and blessed I got to spend time with them but I AM scared. I wonder if it’s safe for my kids to go out. I wonder if the school is safe. I suddenly feel uneasy knowing I’ll be giving other people the responsibility of taking care of my children when they are at school. Miguel even tried to ask permission to go out today but I gave him a big NO. All these worries suddenly rushed out of a well I thought would never open.

I have friends on Facebook who are gun owners. You people know who you are. I only have one request: RESPECT LIFE. In the martial law days, government placed big boxes along Recto Avenue for gun owners to simply surrender their guns – NO questions asked. My God, I won’t hesitate to push for that should government impose that rule again. I have never believed in guns as a means to protect life. It only has two purposes: to IMMOBILIZE or to ultimately KILL. It may be fun pulling the trigger but remember NOT to point the damned thing on people. If you think you are man enough to hold a gun, then be MAN enough to KEEP IT where it belongs.

My sincere condolences to the families who have lost their loved ones. You should be spending time with them right now. They should be facing 2013 with hope in their hearts. I hope their senseless deaths will not be buried and forgotten.

Headphones up..

What can I say? -- 2012 has been a roller coaster ride for Mansanas. I have been reflecting on how I survived the entire year through the songs I have listened to for 12 months. Sometimes, when you can’t express it in your own words, you just let the likes of Michael Buble, Pink, Rolling Stones and Maroon 5 say it for you..

I have aged but that doesn't really mean I have grown wiser. You see, when WE ARE YOUNG, we tend to think we’re MR. KNOW IT ALL. Being in your mid-30’s, you seem to grab this certain attitude to RAISE YOUR GLASS regardless if you have been a LITTLE BAD GIRL or in other words -- a little UNWELL. Your young age justifies your idea of yourself as THE MAN WHO CAN’T BE MOVED. You have certain tendencies to JUST SAY YES because you think “hey, I’ll only live once so VIVA LA VIDA!” 

In the case of Apple Jolo, she has always felt she’s been LOCKED OUT OF HEAVEN for too long. There have been countless times when she felt like building STARSHIPS and buy herself a ticket TO THE MOON AND BACK. In the craziest moments when she felt her EVERY TEARDROP IS A WATERFALL, she would tell herself to RUNAWAY BABY! And if someone told her to “CALL ME, MAYBE?” – she would definitely say there is not a single PAYPHONE at the place where she is going. 

That was Apple before. This is me now. FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE, I told myself to get up and KICK ASS. Instead of burying myself alive, I will stand up and build my own SKYSCRAPER. Yes, IT WILL RAIN, but IT’S MY LIFE. It is up to me whether I light up my sky or totally PAINT IT BLACK. In my mind, I will say to the people who have caused me pain to BLOW ME ONE LAST KISS ‘cause someday, they will remember me as THE ONE WHO GOT AWAY.

See, I have grown to understand that you can never ask respect from people if you can’t even give it yourself. Ounces of pride and self-respect made Apple let go of that desperate dream that SHE WILL BE LOVED. I realized that there is no need for the word ‘will’ anymore. I am already loved by two wonderful boys in my life -- I was just too blind to see. I am LUCKY to have Miguel and Joaquin by my side. They have loved their Mama UNDERNEATH IT ALL. This is the PART OF ME nobody but the Lord can take away. 

The lessons taught to me this year will always be TATTOOED ON MY MIND. If I failed once, SO WHAT? I will UNBREAK MY HEART and LIVE TO TELL. When I look back, I just smile and thank God I came out alive. I may never have it all but I still believe I will be ROLLING IN THE DEEP one sweet day. 

So to the Universe, let this message be clear: I WILL SURVIVE because I was BORN THIS WAY. I shall end 2012 shaking my booty GANGNAM STYLE because I am brave… I’m SEXY AND I KNOW IT. ;)

Happy New Year to all of you! ;)

Blinding beliefs

Our civilization has grown so much that we have come to the point where we think we know better than our Almighty Father. We foolishly set this countdown to apocalypse based on predictions by human beings like us -- imperfect and unwise.

My mother used to tell me that when I was just a baby, she almost lost me. She told me I couldn't breathe and I had turned violet in her arms. Because of shock, my grandmother who had just suffered a stroke and was partially paralyzed was the one who took me to the hospital. By the time someone examined me, I was clinically dead. Through great faith and God's love, both women in my life prayed and I started to breathe again. Science will never be able to explain that.

I am not a devout Catholic. I hardly go to mass because I want my conversations with God to be 'direct'... but I know I am a miracle. Regardless of what science tells me, only God knows when life starts and when life ends. I do not listen to people telling me the worst will happen. I only listen to God's voice in my heart.

As I've said before, should life cease to exist, why be afraid? The day we meet our end is the day we start eternal happiness with our Creator.

-- It's Christmas, people. It is not fair to spread pandemonium. It is unjust for everyone, especially our children. Don't upset this season because of your fears and doubts.

Live your life the way you are supposed to. Focus your attention on the people in your life. Love them NOW. If you are blessed enough, try to pay it forward for it to have great significance. Ask for forgiveness every chance you get and put all your trust in God -- and GOD ALONE. Only He knows.

Memories of Christmas

When I was a kid, my friends and I used to knock on gates in our village every night during Christmas and sing our hearts out. i remember looking for small cans, rubber bands and a small piece of plastic just so I can make a small musical instrument. Singing to the beat of our makeshift drums and maracas made of flattened bottle caps, I could only sing a few words -- "Pasko na naman, O kay tulin ng araw..Paskong nagdaan lalala lalalala!..."

The lanterns hung on every house back then seemed so big and colorful. It gave us all excited feelings whenever someone came out and gave us money. Every night, if we were lucky enough, each of us got a least P1.75. I remember feeling so rich having that MUCH money in my pocket. I would march to Aling Lorna's tindahan and buy candies which only cost .25 cents at the time. While the older kids were busy making pa-cute, little me and my friends laughed our bladders out while singing... and running if the dogs barked!

I wish my kids could experience what I was able to do when I was their age. It's not much but the beautiful memory stays with you. Like the Harana, ang karoling sa Pilipinas ay isang tradisyon na napaka-ganda at masarap sa pakiramdam -- lalo na kapag mga bata ang kumakanta.

We really have to thank the Lord for giving us this one month every year to be simply happy and blessed no matter how easy or tough life can be.

Again and again, I wish all of you a Merry Christmas! Sa Filipino, MALIGAYANG PASKO! God bless you all. :)

Deal with it.

The highways each of us travel were meant to be IMPERFECT.

The man you saw driving a flashy Camaro may be neck-deep in debt, the pretty lady you saw on tv may be hiding her heartaches behind her smile and the couple who looks so beautiful together may share the same roof but are living separate and lonely lives. It's just the same as looking at a woman you find unattractive who goes home to a husband who treats her like a queen, the construction worker who takes the heat of the Sun but is greeted by a loving family each night and the simple commuter who rides a jeep each day but is actually debt-free.

We can't have it all. A perfect life only happens in the movies. This is not to say we should be pessimists -- life's 'potholes' were meant to teach us, humble us and tap that built-in shock absorber God equipped us with. It's human nature to compare ourselves to others but remember that they have their own lives and you are blessed with yours. You will still be the one who will choose your path and it is still your hands that will hold the wheel.

So SMILE and PRAY. You may fall asleep but you're not done yet. Tomorrow is another day to prove to yourself you CAN make it. :)

ho..hummm...

My attitude will not depend on how I am treated. I am still me regardless if I am given a warm welcome OR a cold shoulder. The difference would be the distance. While I give so many friends the chance to see me smile at close range, there are others who'll need binoculars to do that.

Being TRUE

I just talked to a good friend who is somehow like me so I thought of sharing this...

Several years ago, at a time when I was trying so hard to recover from a soul-wrenching experience, I was invited to join
a bible study of some sort in Greenhills. My companion was a Chinese who told me it'll be good for me to strengthen my faith in God by spending time with other people who believe. Not wanting to be rude, I granted his request and attended one Sunday morning.

I can't describe the warmth of the people I met there. I was a complete stranger and felt so alienated but they made me feel like I'm a part of the family. They sang hymns of praise, jumped and clapped and rejoiced -- all in God's name. At one point, I wanted to cry but stubbornly held back the tears.

When I got home, I sat in my room and in complete silence, I prayed. I thanked Him for the experience and most of all, I APOLOGIZED. I told God that will be the first and the LAST time I will attend. I won't go back anymore.

I made that decision not because I was too proud. At that moment, I accepted that I lost a battle I tried so hard to fight -- I was down on my knees and with head on my hand, I accepted failure. I realized that it wasn't right for me to hide my pain by pretending to be happy in the company of other people. It wasn't right that I USE God to mask all the anger I felt in my heart. It wasn't right for me to give all of my burdens to God and let HIM do ALL the work for weak Apple.

I got up and told Him that if I ever find myself in that situation again someday, it'll be because I have recovered. I promised myself that my tears will have to stop. I swore to heal myself and prove to my Almighty Creator that despite everything I went through, I will stand up and live my life again. I told God that if I raise my hand and sing for Him, I want to make sure I am worthy.

It took me years to glue myself together again and here I am sharing to you a part of me I wish some of you will learn from. I may have rejected the idea of belonging to any religious group but by doing so, I learned to be stronger on my own and strengthened my relationship with the BOSS. I may not publicly show my faith but I know that my silent prayers and gentle whispers to God is equal to that of a whole crowd singing for Him.

Sometimes, you need to realize that you can't always ask Him to carry your cross. True healing will have to come from YOU. Don't mislead yourself by thinking you can feel happiness through support groups. Don't twist the word of God by thinking He alone will heal you. Remember that God gave us feet because He wants us to stand on our own. You have to that for yourself before you can stand in front of Him and sing praises.

If you have been hurt, teach yourself to let it go. There is wonderful freedom when you learn to forgive.

You will be the ONLY one who will free yourself from bondage and open your world to what is beautiful in life

Hay..LOVE..when?

I purposely did not watch Carmina and Zoren's wedding because I didn't want to cry...but dear YouTube made me change my mind.

There are no perfect love stories, no cherry blossoms every day. Being happy with the person you love today does not guarantee you laughter and smiles tomorrow. It takes so much dedication to make a relationship bloom. There will be tears along the way but what's important is you never let go. If you love someone with all that you are, it will always be an honor on your part to be the only person that special someone trusts -- when you become a beacon when the rest of the world seems too dark.

I have always believed in love based on strong friendship -- treat the person as your best friend. Be that someone's diary and dig deeper into the soul. Each day will be a single step you take and each step should be something worth remembering.

Time will come when you don't need words to understand how the person feels. All you need is a single glance and a smile that reassures you both that you are there for each other...through thick and thin...and not even death can tear you apart.

Open your heart, accept, LEARN... and everything beautiful will follow.

I can only wish every woman feels the way Carmina does...and every man loves his woman the way Zoren can.

Just a thought

So we didn't see any meteors falling from the sky last December 21st. No 100-foot tsunamis, no major earthquakes and no ghoulish zombies either. No one took out their cameras, snapped pictures of Mother Earth’s rage and scrambled to upload it on the web. I certainly felt better when I was able to sleep that day and wake up hearing birds chirping outside. Naglaba pa nga ako eh. But admit it -- for those who knew, the back pockets of your mind were tingling with thoughts of whether you’d survive or not. Am I right or AM I RIGHT? The day ended with posts on Facebook either thanking God or spreading jokes about the ancient Meso-American tribe that probably has gone bonkers over the stars and created a calendar that would scare the shit out of a civilization thousands of years later.

We all waved our little flags of victory by the time the clock struck 12 am the next day. I did not believe because I chose FAITH over man-made theories BUT with all honesty, I look at the stars differently now. If we separate religion from science, maybe…just MAYBE, the Mayans were just giving us a heads up of what’s going to happen.

So there I was, glued to History Channel and squeezing the juice out of my brain, trying to absorb what these scientists were trying to explain. And then, I started to think – I looked at an image of God hanging on my parent’s bedroom wall and asked myself -- AM I so sure I’d still be sitting in the same comfy spot tomorrow? Am I being TOO confident that God will save me? – enough for me to disregard the warning signs and be consumed with things that may NOT be there tomorrow?

Another year is about to reach its end. 2013 is fast approaching. Of course, you've probably asked yourself what happened to you for the last 12 months. You’re probably giving yourself a gentle pat on the back for surviving. -- You got over him. You got over her. You bought a new house. You bought a new car. You got that loan approved. You finally finished paying the mortgage. You got those bastard banks off your back. You want an Iphone 5. You want that Louise Vuitton bag. You want to lose weight. You want EVERYTHING. -- but does that all count?

Should LIFE flourish for a thousand years more, what will be YOUR story? … And if our Lord decides to reset everything, are you ready? Before I start sounding like an insurance agent, let me say these words: NOTHING is permanent. So just be thankful.

Let’s end this year with all our fingers still attached and with smiles on our faces… Let us end this year full of THANKS and HOPE in our hearts.

If you think 2012 was a walk in the park, I hope 2013 will be a walk in the clouds.

Again, HAPPY NEW YEAR and God bless all of you.