Something from 2006..

The hardest thing about trust is not the part when you’re trying to earn it… It’s the part when you foolishly lose it. It’s like glass - - shiny and exquisite - - but when you scratch it, the damage that’s been made is embedded forever. No matter how beautiful it was crafted, what is visible only to the heart is the mark which signifies deceit and pain.

Love doesn't have to be this hard. It doesn't have to hurt real bad. Love is beautiful; it’s the second greatest thing to having life…But why does it give me pain? Am I spreading my love too thick or have I lost my identity in the midst of giving it my all? Love and trust always go together, as I know. One without the other is dangerously incomplete… fatal even to the strongest relationships. Love alone will not stand—for trust is the pillar, the foundation of all things worthy in any commitment. How do you cope with love knowing there's the absence of trust?... if the former is present but the latter is shattered. 

Unfortunate events have paved the way for me to feel miserably doubtful of everything I've worked for in life. Small voices in my head relentlessly whisper nasty pictures of deception. And the feeling grows intense the more I try to rid myself of these wearying thoughts. I find that every day is a struggle. Each turning of the clock signals the start of bloody confrontations of the pros and cons in my head. I am trying to hold on as much as I can, but at times, I give in to the weakness of being a mere mortal. I can feel the fragility of my heart that even the most harmless words may deliver the hardest blow. I am stepping on the threshold of severe emotional instability, yet nobody’s there to give me an assuring hand.

Within me is an empty heart, one that feels numb and somewhat cold. Something was lost...or probably died down. I want to get it back but I don’t know how. I want to be strong but frailty creeps through my veins. Nobody should be made to feel rubbish like I do. This is how I am punished. 

Recovery is remotely possible...at least for now. If I were to mend my heart, it would take time -- lots of it. I can bounce back but I know I won't be the same anymore.

Time will tell.